November 8
Warning to women who go camping:
Beware of evil intent
If you’re experiencing withdrawal from October holidays, no better way to be Hallowean’ed than by celebrating Abet and Aid Pun Day.
We’ve no clue how this holiday originated or why November 8th is the fortunate day in question. [By coincidence it holds the distinction of falling on the day between Russia’s former Revolution Day—marking the beginning of the Soviet experiment on November 7, 1917—and the fall of the Berlin Wall—marking the end of the experiment on November 9, 1989.] The holiday actually dates all the way back to the 1970’s, though its precise origins are lost to time.
Regardless of how it began, Abet and Aid Punsters Day is a good time to reflect on the holiday headlines of the past year…
Holiday headlines:
Children’s Day:
Kids in trouble for resisting a rest.
Bastille Day:
Celebrants who jumped off Paris bridge declared temporarily in Seine.
Revolution Day:
Army beauty pageant called off. Troops revolting.
Christmas:
Santa’s helpers: deemed Subordinate Clauses.
Holiday predictions:
After eating enough Thanksgiving leftovers, you will quit cold turkey.
If it’s drizzly on December 25th, yule have a merry Christ-mist.
Holiday with the most waves? Flag Day of course!
(Incidentally, Betsy Ross’s first design was decided upon by referendum: the country’s first flag poll!)
Valentine’s Day:
Some girls like roses, all like two lips.
Independence Day:
In July, may the fourth be with you.
Until next year, remember what happened to the holiday calendar thief…
He got twelve months!
[Translator’s note: this page is guaranteed to make no sense in any language but English. (And even then, very little.)]